Dissonance
by j-cag
Summary: Oneshot. After years and years of innumerable sleepless nights, a distraught Luigi finally musters the courage to once again confront the one being that stops him from ever getting a much needed rest...his very own older brother, Mario.


* * *

Author's Note (One-shot created on August 10, 2007; Edited on March 23, 2008 to fix phrasing breaks in accordance with new website formatting.)

This one-shot was started and completed on the night of Thursday, August 2, 2007, while running on half a caffeine-filled desert of rich chocolate cake in an apartment building overlooking the heart of Paris, France. It is dedicated to a certain family member (I'm so sorry, but you inspired it), whose uncontrollable (just kidding) nighttime disharmony I could lovingly do without. It could also be meant for all you people out there in the world who have to deal with the same type of situations below every single night.

Please…enjoy…over a bowl of delicious pasta.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Mario, Luigi, or pasta. Well, maybe I like pasta…but just a little. No, really, I'm not lying… Seriously, I'm not fat…I'm the thinnest member in my family. No kidding. I'm actually as thin as twigs…well, except for my legs…it's really weird…

* * *

Dissonance

A One-Shot Fic

* * *

It was an AWFUL noise.

It was absolutely HORRENDOUS.

It was just plain UNBEARABLE.

_"How the HECK does he do that?!"_

Unable to take it anymore, a highly annoyed Luigi did his best to cover his ears with his pillow, clamping both hands tightly around his head in an effort to drown out the dreadful, inescapable din.

But still, the racket continued.

Thinking that if he saw no evil he would hear no evil, Luigi closed his eyes and rolled over in bed, squashing his nose against the mattress while keeping the pillow still tightly clutched over the back of his head.

To no avail; the clamor went on.

_"ARGH!"_

Extremely disappointed and irritated that his strategy hadn't worked, the green pajama-wearing man turned over and slowly rose up into a sitting position. He gritted his teeth tightly together and narrowed his blue eyes as he glared daggers over at the wall, silently wishing that his gaze alone would drill through so he could plug up the ruckus, or at the least, cover it up. But then again, he wasn't sure he'd be able to sleep with the noise of a drill, either.

_"When we first bought this house, I could've sworn it was made so that I would NOT be able to hear that! Why in the world is the wall so thin that I CAN?!"_

The pillow dropped from his hands and fell behind his head, falling to a soft landing at his back. He reached back to punch it with his left fist.

_"WHY CAN I HEAR HIM SNORING IN THE BEDROM NEXT DOOR?!"_

Luigi leaned forward and dug his face into his hands, kicking off the blankets with his legs. Long ago he had lost track of how many years he'd been living with his brother, and he still just could not get over the fact that Mario problematically snored at night.

However, the shorter brother's snoring was seemingly the odd result of one circumstance, and one circumstance only.

The single condition: Mario had to eat pasta for a meal at least one time before going to sleep.

_"…And he eats it almost EVERY…SINGLE…DAY…"_

Why did Mario snore only after eating pasta?

Luigi didn't know.

No doctors knew.

Put simply, there wasn't really any good explanation why. It was just that for some tremendously bizarre reason, Mario would snore after eating pasta.

Go figure.

And since Mario was especially fond of pasta, he often had it for meals. Spaghetti, fettuccini, ravioli, rottini, linguini, rigatoni, lasagna, penne, angel hair, panzani, macaroni, fagottini, mezze lune, tagliatelles, farfalles, torsades, tortiglioni, coquillage, torti, fusilli, gansettes, vermicelles, lumaconi, etc.—name it, and it was more than likely that Mario had dug into it at one time or another.

The worst part was that he often cycled through them every day for lunch and dinner, and occasionally, even breakfast, odd as it may seem. Even when spending a day out, Mario found some way to consume pasta in some shape or form, and when he returned to the pad to go to sleep at night, Luigi would be on the receiving end of an intolerable cacophony.

It bled through the walls.

It bled through Luigi's pillows.

It reached his ears.

Quite frankly…

It drove him NUTS.

_"GRAGH! WHY OH WHY OH WHY OH WHY OH WHY?!"_

Sure, Luigi had tried different ways of stopping his older brother from devouring pasta.

He'd throw out all the pasta in the fridge.

…But Mario would simply go out to buy more.

He'd direct Mario away from the pasta section at the store.

…But Mario would simply dodge around with the cart.

He'd 'accidentally' break the microwave and oven.

…But Mario would fix whatever was wrong himself or just purchase a new set.

No matter what Luigi did, no matter what Luigi tried, no matter how hard Luigi worked…

It always failed. Mario somehow ended up managing to have pasta at one point during the day.

"Mama-mia…I've-a got to put a stop to this-a…" Luigi mumbled in a muffled voice through the palms of his hands. "…Or else I'm-a never going to get a minute of-a sleep at night in my-a life unless I move out…"

_"…I end up sleeping in the daytime and wasting precious light, for crying out loud! And when I'm awake at night, I end up having to deal with his darn snoring! There's no way I can work or anything with him doing that!"_

Flustered with his vile ordeal, Luigi swung his legs over the edge of the bed and felt for the ground. He groped around for a few seconds before slipping his bare feet into a pair of white slippers resting on the side of the divan, both of which had a blue circle with his trademark 'L' symbol on the tops. Then, he stood up.

_"…You've GOT to be kidding me…it's really two o'clock in the morning ALREADY?!"_ Luigi thought with horror, glancing over at the red numbers on the digital clock that sat on his night table. _"…I've gotta work fast if I want to get a blink of sleep tonight!"_

Squinting to see in the little bit of moonlight that managed to make it through the curtains covering the window, Luigi fumbled through the air until he felt a string. He tugged at it firmly, turning on the lamp on the bedside stand. Momentarily blinded by the sudden bright light in the room, he blinked his eyes for several moments before they adjusted. He didn't even need to look over at the mirror to tell that they were red and bloodshot—he could feel their desperation, their want to close and not be disturbed.

_"I think I might have the first good plan I've had in MONTHS…"_ Luigi thought cunningly, rubbing his hands together.

* * *

"…HRWOARAARAAAGH…WHROOHOO…"

The door to Mario's bedroom slowly creaked open an inch, but no light peeked through.

"…HRRAAOOOUAGGRGGGGH…"

Without a single noise escaping the hinges, the entryway was gradually pushed open at a snail's pace until it was at its widest position, millimeters away from the edge of Mario's dresser. A shadowy figure quietly tiptoed through the entrance, his eyes planted squarely on the sleeping target.

_"Sleep will be mine, dear brother…mwahahahaha—OH, SHROOM!"_

"CR—"

With one hand squeezing his lips shut and the other grabbing the outer edge of his left slipper in pain, Luigi danced around on his right foot like an Indian doing some kind of strange dance. He'd been so focused on making it over to the side of Mario's bed, he'd forgotten to look where he was going.

He'd accidentally knocked his toe against the corner post that supported the bed.

_"DARN IT ALL! ARGH, GEEZ THAT HURTS! BARGH! MARIO, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU BETTER BE SO THANKFUL THAT I'M JUST TRYING TO STOP YOU FROM SNORING AND NOT WAKING YOU UP ENTIRELY, BRO!"_

After about a minute, the throbbing in Luigi's big toe had quieted down into only a small moan of pain that was constantly crying out. He chose to ignore it and proceeded on with his plan.

_"…Okay…that really smarts…mental note…never take eyes off of Mario's bed when trying to stop him from snoring…"_

"…WGROOOOOHOOOOGGGH…"

Wincing at the incredibly large noise that had just escaped his shorter brother's open mouth, Luigi crept over to the bed's side, trying to avoid placing too much weight on his left foot at one time. After what seemed like a pain-filled eternity, he finally made it over to the side of the single-sized bed.

"…EEEHOAGAGAGAAAARRGH…"

Smirking maliciously, Luigi looked into the face of his sleeping sibling. For some untold reason, Mario always slept with a sock over his eyes and plugs in his ears. Luigi never asked about it, because then his brother would know that he snooped around during the nighttime.

But still, considering that Luigi was the one suffering from the blare of snores, it was a very odd habit.

"…WROOOOOOOGHOOOOOO…"

The younger Mario brother took a sock out from the back pocket of his striped white and green pants. He carefully wadded it into a small round ball just about the size of Mario's open chops.

_"Say good night to midnight torture, brother!"_

Carefully taking the balled-up sock in his hand, Luigi softly pressed it against his smaller brother's lips until they had just covered the entrance. When Mario's chest rose once, no sound escaped—the only noticeable hum was the air rushing in and out from his nostrils.

_"YES! THANK YOU!"_ Luigi thought, celebrating on the spot as he jabbed his elbow backward with a quiet 'oomph.' _"It actually worked! Yippee!"_

However…

Just as Luigi was about to turn around and sneak out of the room, something unexpected happened.

The sock flew out of Mario's mouth at a speed comparable to a pinball being shot off of its spring and went straight up into the air. It collided with Luigi's face, bouncing off the bottom of his nose before falling onto the floor.

"…WHRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAGGGGGGGH…"

Slightly disgusted at the fact that the bottom of his bulbous snout now felt unbelievably moist, and the top of his moustache was slightly wet, Luigi twitched as a shiver of abhorrence ran its way down his spine.

_"…That…is…SO…wrong…"_

* * *

_"Okay. Maybe this one will work…hopefully it does…I wracked my brain just trying to think of this plan!"_

The time on Mario's bedside digital clock read '3:17 A.M.' in a dim red light. Other than the slight bit of moonlight that was just edging past the window's curtains, the clock was the only source of light in the room.

This instance, the green-favoring brother managed to make it over to the side of his sibling's bed without hitting a body part on any piece of the bed. He snuck over on the tips of his toes, the ache from the previous attempt's setback now nothing but an annoying memory.

"…GHWOOOOOOOOOAAARGGGGGGH…let's-a go…" Mario's lips smacked together as he rolled slightly to the side. "…WHOOOAAAGGGH…"

_"I'll show you who's going, Mario…who's going to sleep, that is…ME!"_

Luigi took a roll of heavy-duty duct tape out from his back pocket.

_"This tape should at the very least, muffle that annoying snoring of yours…"_

Chortling softly to himself, Luigi quietly started to peel the beginnings of the tape off from the roll.

EEEOW!

He immediately stopped.

"…HHROOOOOOOOOAAAGGGGH…"

_"…Oh, shoot! I completely forgot! This kind of tape makes NOISE when you take a bit of it off! DRAT! Ah, well…maybe if I do it quickly and all at just one time, he won't wake up…please let me get lucky…please, please, please…"_

EEEEEEOOOW!

Stirring slightly, Mario let out a huge yawn as his arms stretched out to the side. He smacked his lips together again.

Luigi froze in fear that Mario had been roused by the sudden noise.

_"…Crap…please don't wake up…"_

Luckily, Mario merely shifted position slightly and continued on with his slumber.

"…PHEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOGGH…"

_"'Phew' is right…"_ Luigi thought, breathing a sigh of relief. _"Just relax, bro…this won't hurt a bit…that is, unless you somehow accidentally tear it off while you're asleep…heheh…yeah, right…"_

With one hand on the edge of the tape and the other supporting the roll, Luigi leaned over as he prepared to adhere the sticky strip to his brother's face.

_"Alright…"_

However…

Just as the tape was about to touch the side of Mario's face, something unexpected happened.

_"WHAT THE—"_

Out of seemingly nowhere, Mario's fist came flying from its previous position at rest on the side of the head cushion, balled up into a clenched fist. It rammed into the side of Luigi's round nose, causing it to reverberate and shake from side to side.

BAM!

"YOW!"

_"HE PUNCHED ME?! WHAT THE HECK!"_

With a squeak of pain, Luigi shot straight up and dropped the roll of tape as his hands instinctively went up to clutch his throbbing nose. The duct tape bounced off of his slipper before bouncing off and rolling out of reach under the bed.

Eyes widened, the nervous brother's head looked over at the horizontal human.

Although Luigi had let out an audible yelp, Mario hadn't seemed to be fazed.

"…HROOOOOAAAAAAAAARGGGH…"

Fingers still nursing a sore snout and eyes still incredibly large as dinner plates, the green pajama-wearing guy fretfully backed out of the room.

"…WHOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAGGGH…"

* * *

_"…I'm going to MAKE you stop snoring, whether you like it or not!"_

Creeping back into the bedroom, Luigi slowly pulled a green neckerchief out of his back pants pocket. Humorously, he was wearing an added piece of protection—a protective helmet made of pillows was framed by ropes all around his head, but upon closer observation of the uncovered part of his face, there was an 'X'-shaped bandage stuck on the side of his nose.

_"…Now, I'm not exactly sure what this'll do, but it's gotta muffle you or SOMETHING…"_

"…GWHOOAAAAARGRGGGGGGH…"

With a devilish grin on his features, Luigi slowly started to tiptoe over to the side of the divan, the green cloth at the ready to take part in his latest plan.

_"That sucker punch was just a fluke, right? I mean, what are the odds of you somehow smacking me at the face again? Even if you do, you're more likely to hit my pillows!"_

The time on Mario's bedside digital clock now read '5:47 A.M.' in its dimmed radiance. Paying it no attention, the taller brother continued his slow sneak across the carpeted floor.

However…

Just as Luigi was about to reach the side of the bed, something very unexpected happened.

_"I've thought this through for the past hour or so, bro! You're not ruining it this time! I've got everything under—WHOOAA!"_

Without warning, Luigi felt his foot fly out from under him. He could've sworn he saw the roll of duct tape, the presumed culprit, move in the opposite direction after he slipped.

Balance now entirely thrown off, the standing human swayed dangerously close to Mario's body on the one-person bed. He tried to regain his steadiness on his only ground bound foot, but failed miserably.

_"GAAAAAAH!"_

Luigi fell over.

_"OH, SHROOM! HE'S GONNA…wait…what…"_

Somehow, while flailing his arms about, Luigi had grabbed a hold of the opposite edge of the bed. He was now leaning over the bed in an arc of sorts, his head directly above that of Mario's.

_"…Whew…now THAT was close…there's no way he can do anything to me now if I just back away…"_

"…HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAGGGH…"

The ejection of breath pushed its way past Luigi's face with an extraordinary amount of force. He closed his eyes as he felt the combination of warm air and cold saliva hit his features.

Blinking in disbelief, Luigi put enough energy into his hands to thrust himself off of the bed. With a groan of loathing, he slipped off the crudely-made hood of pillows before wiping off the small splatters of spit.

_"…I swear. In some stupid past life, Mario MUST have been some kind of sicko villain—this is ridiculous!"_ Luigi thought, making an aggravated face.

"…HWOOOOOOOAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGHHH…"

The intake of breath was almost like a suction of sorts. Luigi felt a few of the hairs on his moustache gravitate towards his brother's open jaws.

_"…I GIVE UP…"_

Shaking his head, Luigi didn't even bother trying to conceal his presence as he stormed out of the bedroom, slamming the door shut on his way out.

"…HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAGGGH…"

* * *

"Good-a morning, Luigi!" Mario greeted cheerfully as he came into the kitchen. "So, how'd-a you sleep last night?"

"…Fine…" Luigi lied irritably, face shoved against his gloved left hand as his right fingers touchily drummed against the table, and his red eyes glared at his brother.

"That's-a good. You-a wouldn't believe the time I-a had trying to fall asleep…" Mario rambled.

_"Oh, really?!"_

The already-dressed green-wearing plumber watched as Mario opened the door to the fridge and leaned over. When he straightened out seconds later and shut the door, a box of microwavable breakfast spaghetti with eggs, cheese, and oodles of tomato sauce was grasped affectionately in his hands.

"You wanna have some-a pasta for breakfast this-a morning, bro?"

His eyes stared at the man in pajamas for a few moments, blinking skeptically as his brain registered the question. Then, Luigi slammed his head down on the table with such force, his hat flew off to reveal the frazzled brown hair underneath.

_"WHY ME?!"_

* * *

Author's Note

I'd like to say this first before anyone gets mad at me: I am NOT a Luigi hater. It's just that this setting could've been applied to so many more obvious duos for varying effects such as Wario and Waluigi, Peach and Toadsworth, Toad and Toadette, Petey and King Boo, Bowser and Kammy, etc., etc. So I decided on using Mario and Luigi because it would make for one of the more embarrassing behind-the-scenes kind of things that would unveil a negative side of both brothers.

Besides…I find it kind of comical for the outlook on this story. Who's the real villain (or antagonist, if the former word is too strong) in this story? Is it Mario, whose snoring prevents his brother from ever sleeping at night? Or is it Luigi, who is just trying to stop the ruckus?

Teenage super-villain (yeah, right!) _milesyoshidino34_, out.


End file.
